This is a good time to learn humility. The illness reigns dominant and expectations of accomplishments must be adjusted by these factors out of my control. Teilhard calls this "passive diminishment."
I now have added to my inventory here, an oxygen condenser. It's a big blue plastic box that chugs and thumps sending enriched oxygen down a long clear plastic tube, which I affix to my head and put the little breathing nodules into my nostrils. Then, I can breathe comfortably all night long. It's a litle complicated when I roll over, but not too big a deal.
The overnight oxygen test machine determined that my levels of oxygen, which should range in the high ninety per cents, was dipping as low as 61 per cent. Low levels of oxygen can have a deleterious effect on the organs so that in itself is a bad thing. But the really big deal is that when the airways are compromised past a certain level, there is a danger that the lungs will collapse.
Not good. You die.
So here I am all night, sniffing enriched oxygen. Then I take all that off and sit with my other machine, my nebulizer.
This morning I took my last Prednisone tablet and am feeling a bit nervous about it since it seemed to have the most effect of anything. It is perscribed to reduce the inflammation of the bronchial airways.
The pharmacist says that this is the worst virus he has seen and people are remaining ill for upwards of two months.
Humility is the rule of the day. We make plans. We are here in the land of beauty, every direction we turn. While my car trips and hikes are limited for now, I can look out the windows of this perfectly situated house, and take in the sights of that mountain, sitting steady and strong...of the sky which keeps moving in endlessly fascinating unfoldings..of the birds feeding at the courtyard wall, including finches, bluebirds, junkos, titmice, pine siskins, and two pinion jays who seem to have been left behind by the mob.
My hero has been, for some 30 years, Flannery O'Connor. I am now finding strength thinking of what she was able to do, even though her body was severely compromised. She found comfort in Teilhard de Chardin's lines in submitting to passive diminishment. So then, can I.
